freewalker

Most of us have experienced workplace conflict or had to deal with a difficult coworker.  For those of you who haven’t – you will.  Sometimes they are just not team players, some are totally selfish, too many are guilty of harassment, and others can be complete control freaks; the list goes on and on. Now, bad coworkers aren’t normally as extreme as the lab technician recently accused of murdering his coworker. But even so, many situations could erupt in violence if left unaddressed. Even you own stress can contribute to workplace conflict, so make sure to keep your stress level in check.

(An aside: If you really think someone’s behavior is dangerous, or has the potential to be, you should contact the appropriate people.)

Back to your average office conflicts – I have come across some very useful tips in my working life and I’d like to share some here with you today. I have used these techniques in my own bad coworker situations, and they worked fairly well. I have only had to address them directly so far, and they have improved their team efforts by reasonable margins. You have to be realistic; you can’t completely change a person’s ‘soft skills’.

I must give a lot of credit for the effective conflict resolution skills that I have learned to a seminar I took through my employer a few years back. You can get the book; it is called, Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. The techniques in this book help you get your point across without putting the other person on the defensive. It works so well that I have referred back to it each time that I’ve had to deal with a serious conflict at work, at home, etc.

Conflicts arise within the workplace from time to time, or frequently, depending on where you happen to be employed. As long as you aren’t fearful for you safety, and can be calm yourself, it is always best to directly discuss the issue with your coworker. It may be difficult, but it is necessary. If you are more comfortable addressing it in an email, I think that is fine as long as it is done with tact. Remember, it is easy to say things you wouldn’t normally say when you are hiding behind a computer screen. Emails are also useful if you are dealing with a manipulative coworker because they serve as evidence of what was actually said.

Here are the things that you are in control of. You can:

1.  Be professional and stay focusedon the particular issue at hand. Don’t go into all the other things they do that bother you. Now is not the time, it will be counter-productive.

2.  Be firm, but understanding. There are two sides to every story, and you coworker may have any number of reasons for their behavior. But maintain your expectations that they act appropriately for work no matter what their reasons.

3.  Know what action is needed to resolve the conflict and work toward that end. Find workable solutions that will resolve the problem and that everyone can live with.

If direct confrontation of the issue does not work, there are a couple of options, depending on the problem.

If you are having a personality conflict, or are involved in an issue that you feel supervision can not solve, it may be a good idea to see if your company offers mediation services. This is where a third party comes in and you both discuss the issue with them. The goal is to come to a workable agreement so that everyone can get back to work and be productive.

If your company doesn’t have a mediation program, or if the problem is productivity or work ethic related, you may need to get management involved. This is a difficult decision in many workplaces because management is sometimes seen as the enemy. Some of your coworkers may even encourage you NOT to get supervision involved, but assess their motives carefully. Are they really looking out for the interest of the team, or are they looking out for themselves?

Ultimately, if two or more coworkers cannot resolve a conflict on their own, objective, outside involvement is necessary. Don’t be afraid to use the tools and chain of command in your place of employment to accelerate the resolution of conflict before the situation deteriorates into one of violence.