Life Can Change In An Instant
Life as we know it can change in an instant.
It is so easy to fall into the patterns of daily living, thinking each day will be like the last. But in an instant, your whole world can change. Suddenly, today isn’t like yesterday, and all that time you thought you had seems like so much less. A repeating cycle of Trochanteric Bursitis is what has changed my life, but it could be any major life change such as a divorce, death, job loss, etc. It is at these times that we are forced to re-evaluate our choices and plans. All we can do is hope we appreciated what we had when we had it; nothing lasts forever. We would do well to keep that in mind as well.
I sit here wondering if I appreciated my easy mobility enough when I had it. I think I did pretty well; I traveled and hiked in my teens and early twenties. Not that I wouldn’t like to still be able to do things like that, but I did get to experience them, and that is good. And I’m pretty certain that a different climate will help, so I do see some hope for my situation although it will require a major change.
I’m not going to lie, there are times that I feel really, really bad. Sometimes, I find myself cussing because I’m jealous that people in their 60′s can walk faster than I can. I’m 36, what kind of crap is that! Every time it happens I spend a few days or weeks feeling depressed and angry and mean. The pain and all the difficulty it causes build to the point that I can’t take a single other thing. I am so overstimulated from trying to repress the constant pain that someone just speaking to me will set me off. I become a short tempered bitch, and I can see my family getting hurt by it. My kids wondering why mom is being so hard on them and they can’t seem to do anything right. Then they start acting out because they are hurt. Of course, I do not act this way on purpose. I don’t even realize what I’m doing at first. It is an involuntary consequence of denying what I’m feeling in order to go on day after day and continue to provide for them. Then at some point I do realize how I’m acting; I stop and acknowledge what I’m feeling physically and realize something has to give. A person can only take so much pain before their personality starts to change.
This most recent spell has put me into the worst position to date concerning my job and earning capacity. I have a full-time job that is steady and has great benefits. But, as hard as this is to admit, I just can’t overcome the pain. And pain pills are great at first because it feels so nice to have the pain dulled a bit. After a few days though, the side effects become just as unbearable as the pain is.
I have been doing yoga for an hour each day, which is helping my flexibility. I see the Orthopedist today and will most likely get a cortisone injection. If all goes well, I hope to be at the YMCA by Thursday doing physical therapy exercises and spending time in the warming pool. My goal is to get my thigh and core muscles in shape which my research says should help decrease the pain to a tolerable level. I’d like to be able to be back at work in a few weeks.
In the mean time, I am refocusing on what is truly important to me in life. And I have to come up with a new game plan so that can I live as well as possible with respect to my limitations.
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