I just found this article on yahoo. Here is a brief section from it:

Former President George W. Bush says it was a “huge mistake” to let himself be photographed looking from Air Force One down at the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Bush reflected on the iconic photograph during an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer to promote his forthcoming memoir, “Decision Points.” The photo was published widely and only reinforced the view that the Bush administration didn’t act quickly enough or fully grasp the severity of the problems on the ground in New Orleans after the levees broke.

Go here to read the article in it’s entirety: Decision Points

Now here it was I have to say about that. Bush you suck. I am a survivor and I saw that photo awhile back and thought what a butthole. You never once came to New Orleans. You did everything wrong in this case which makes me truly believe it was done out of an uncaring heart. You should be ashamed of yourself. I was there when the levee brokes. You should have been there with us to suffer as we did. You deserve to suffer. There were good people there. I lost friends there. I saw dead people for the first time in my life up close and personal.

Every night I go to sleep running for my life. I still suffer even 5 years later. It’s easy to cop to a mistake 5 years later to promote your stupid book trying to get people to feel sorry for you. I hope this haunts you for the rest of your natural life. You never should have been President anyway. You don’t care about this country or it’s people just yourself.

I just had to post and vent. He is an unimaginable bastard!

So I am here now trying to figure out what to do. I went to church this pass Sunday. It is the first time I been in a place of worship I felt comfortable with. My aunt introduced me to a wonderful person who took time to find a place to help me with work. You know work is a hard to thing to find now anyways. I am not trying to sponge off my aunt I want to become a productive self efficient member of society.

Clarence the gentlemen I met at church turned me on to a foundation called Better People.  I was a little skeptical at first. It is a class for people who have been in the system. I am not perfect. I have done things I am not proud of. Anyway the thing offer is a way for people who have been incarcerated to find jobs. They even help you with job placement.

So I have 41/2 months of classes. I am nervous and excited. Its another thing for me to put under my belt. So I am going to do it and do my best. I have been blessed. I have to take this blessing and do something positive with my life. I need to let go of the past and focus on the future. My future is still bright and shining. I just need to get back there. I am not to old yet.

Better People

It  is absolutely beautiful here. We appear to be having an indian summer right now from what I can tell it’s still relatively warm here. It is quite an adjustment here in so many ways. I am sharing a room with my aunt. She even got me my own bed. I can eat all I want. However I am trying to curtail that because I am all most a my goal weight. And TV there is a 42 inch flat screen HDTV in our room. I am in heaven.

Don’t get me wrong I will have to contribute. I am already looking for a job but it is a tough market out here. But I figure at least if I am trying. Sometimes people get so lost in things they don’t even try. I am going to do my best to make this new life work.

I left everything behind for this my boyfriend, my few friends, Tiffany, Jalali. I didn’t like my situtation but I did get close to people and form bonds to make myself a surrogate family. So it was a little tough for me. Yet I knew I needed to make the move for myself and my sanity.

I am happy my aunt took me in. I wish sometimes it was my mother but I can’t change the pass no one can. All I can do is move on and try to do what’s best for myself. It sounds selfish but you can’t do anything for anyone else if you can’t do for yourself!

Beautiful Oregon

Well I began this blog less than a week ago. And can you believe a few days later I find out I am going to Oregon to start a new life. I am terrified but excited. My favorite aunt who came down to see me the beginning of this month has made all arrangements. I leave Jacksonville on September 8th for beautiful Oregon. My aunt has invited me she thinks it will do me good. Maybe I finally found what I was looking for somewhere I belong. I guess Linkin Park did say it best.

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind

(Inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain
I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it?s gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I?m close to something real
I wanna find something I?ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn?t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
Cause I can’t justify way everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain
I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it?s gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I?ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed

I will never be
Anything till I break away from me
I will break away
I’ll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain
I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it?s gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I am somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I am somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

It was weird Friday right at midnight I woke up to wind and rain. I stated hyperventilating. I couldn’t figure out why. Then all at once it came flooding back into mind. It was 5 years to the day of Hurricane Katrina. It’s funny how it was out of my head and just popped right back in there. Hurricane Katrina was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. You know people like to make fun of us now. They tell us to get over it. Why are we making such a big deal about things. Well it was and still is a big deal for us. In my particular case I did not evacuate. I thought I was going to die. I thought this is it I am over at 30. Isn’t that just my luck. It was such a totally scary experience. I do not think anyone who was effected will ever totally get over it.

People lost loved ones, homes, basically everything. It was not just the issue of the hurricane that bothered me. It was a look at a side of our government that I did not even know existed. They deserted us in our hour of need. What the hell? We were Americans on American soil and had to wait days for relief.  The picture above is not far from where I live. Can you believe that? Do you think that is something one just gets over. I think not. As a matter of fact I know you don’t. It was hell on Earth.

I hope and wish for one night of sleep not waking up gagging on nasty water. I can still taste it to this day. I can still feel the burning sensation from the water after it had set day after day. When I got out I had a rash that took 3 months to get rid of. It was not an easy road and it is something I will live with for the rest of my natural life. It was a tragedy that many people will have to live with. We had to live with Hurricane Katrina but to top it off with an uncaring government is a tough pill to swallow.

I am going to stop ranting now. For those you who make fun of us survivors. You obviously have had easy street. I got only a couple of words for you. SCREW YOU!

So today started out odd for a Friday. Well everyday on the streets is a little odd. Every morning I wake up and go to Yovia. I sit and blog, watch a movie occasionally. It keeps me off the streets and I get a little something out of it. The people who run the place Tiffany and Jalali are wonderful people. Anyway I showed up here about 9 when I saw this change dude coming from Sonics. He was kinda creepy. So I went across the street to Family Dollar for my morning Monster(thank go for food stamps). When I came back this strange guy was inside talking to Tiffany and Jalali. He was kind of dirty and scruffy. He was from Sudan. his accent was thick. He obviously had been in the states for a little while. He seem to have been somewhat educated. He was fluent in Arabic and English. His accent was very thick though so sometimes you still couldn’t understand him.

Apparently he had taken the Yovia bench as his home for a little while. He seemed harmless enough. He gave us a few laughs. He decided to do a 5 second yoga move out in front of the door. You meet very unusual people out here. I have been out here for 3 years. Sometimes I still meet people who are mind blowing. I have very few friends which sucks but its not safe to have friends on the streets. People like to narc a lot around here not that you’re doing anything but if someone narcs on you then it takes focus off them. And the police here love narcs. I personally mind my own business.What you do is for you to know. What I do is for me to know.

Today I bumped into the woman who helped me when I first started out on the street. It was so weird we hadn’t seen each other in a year or so.  She seem to be doing well. She is off the street got her little place with her boyfriend. I hope things keep going well for her. She has had a rough life. I am not going to go into details on that. It’s not my story to tell. We are not all bad out here. There are good in bad all groups.

So my boyfriend thinks dumpster diving is some big secret. He got pissy with me for blogging about it. You would think I told someone where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. I mean what is Big Brother watching you go in and out  of the dumpster. I swear being homeless can be a real trip sometime. I thought he would be happy I found something to blog about to bring us a little money. No he is worried about other people reading the blog and honing in on his dumpster secrets. After doing a little research I found out dumpster diving isn’t a big secret anymore. It is a worldwide epidemic if you want to call it that. And I have to say it again. It is not just homeless anymore hitting the dumpsters. So it’s not some big secret. When it comes to survival nothing is a secret. People ae hitting dumpsters all over the world.

Well with the exception of me I let my boyfriend do the dirty work. Besides I can get in the dumpster but getting out is a whole other story. I have no upper body strength. Oh yea for those who might decide to do something of this nature be sure you are quick and agile. Dumpster diving is illegal. if caught you may not go to jail but you can get a trespassing warrant against you. It is just all according to who pulls up on you. Lots of time they won’t bother you but the problem is people make messes. When you are diving the dumpster should look better than when you went into it initially.

Emoware

Ranprieur

I have been  homeless for about 3 years now. I would like to blame others for my homelessness. My mother for stealing my money. Boyfriends for not stepping up being a man. Yet at the end of the day I can only blame myself. People are given such a thing as free will which pretty much puts you in charge of your destiny. So I could say it was mother who stole all my money. But at the end of  the day she did not put a gun to my head and took it. I gave it freely because I loved my mom. So I put myself here. It’s a tough pill to swallow knowing you are the cause of your own demise.

I believe in my heart though that God or whatever higher power one chooses believe is testing my faith and my strength. I do not know why but I have learned not to question it. I am learning to go with it. I am learning to accept it. I figure acceptance is the first part of moving on and getting over things. I am here now. I am for the most part alone. My family has let me go. My mother covered her tracks well telling people I went broke because I started using drugs. When all along it was her who stole my money. So now I have very few people in my life to help me or even talk to me for that matter. I do have my Aunt though. She has been a Godsend. She out everyone else believed me. She is helping all she can.

I just wish something would happen. Something to make me feel everything is going to be ok. Right now I just don’t know if everything will be OK. I suppose I can dream. I miss the simple things ac, movies, music, a roof. I just wonder if I will ever have those simple things in life anymore. I still have hope.

Sometimes people wonder how we take of ourselves out here on the streets. It’s not as hard as it may seem . You just have to learn where and when to go. My problem was never going it was pride. I have never in my life needed government aid or anything else of that nature. I think for me it made my situation to real. In the end I had to put my pride aside because I needed help. As much as I hate Jacksonville they do have excellent resources for the most part. I am going to place some links here in hope that if anyone need help they can utilize them.

The Mission House 800 Shetter Ave. Jacksonville, Beach, Fl. 32250 (904)-241-6767: The Mission House is a day facility here in my area on the beach. I have been using them the last 6 months. There you can get showers, meals, and clean clothes. They also help you with clothing vouchers through the Goodwill. They have caseworkers who can help you get back on your feet. Through the Mission House I got my ID, social security card, and food stamps. They have lots of connections as well as resources.

Sulzabacher Center 611 East Adam Street Jacksonville, Fl. 32202 (904)-394-1646: Sulzachbacher is an actual shelter in downtown Jacksonville, Fl. It is difficult to get into. And if you can not handle rules or regulations it is not a place for you. They are strict but they have probably the best resources in Jacksonville. They have expanded out here to the beaches. Hey offer medical help as well.  I have used them the last 3 months for my mental health needs. I suffer post traumatic stress from Hurricane Katrina. I see a psychologist, psychiatrist, and have not had to come out of pocket medicines once.

City Rescue Mission 426 McDuff Ave. Jacksonville, Fl. 32254 (904)387-Help: I have not used this service but I have heard nothing but great things about them. It is a faith based program as are most of the places that help. They are very similar to Sulazabacher but they have quite a few more tools for homeless to use to help them out of their situation.

These are only a couple of places that are here to help them people who are homeless here in Jacksonville. Did you know homelessness has increased 33% in the last year here in Jacksonville and charitable giving has dropped significantly at the same time. People no longer want to help. Actually it may not be no one wants to help so much as people can not afford too help with the economy is.

One of the biggest questions about being homeless is food. I eat just about everyday now. In the beginning I was lucky to eat every few days. When I became homeless I was 281 pounds. I am now a 175 pounds. My ex boyfriend showed me how before I even got tossed on the street how to feed myself if needed. We would go out back into any local Winn Dixie, Food Lion or graocery store. You can do this anywhere but Publix. They compact there trash. You hop in the dumpster and dig. You look for stuff still cold or dry goods if possible.

For the longest time I would eat none of the food that came from a dumpster. I thought it was disgusting. You go several days with food you will change your tune. I promise you that. Do you know that in the 3 years I have been homeless I have not gotten sick from anything I have eaten out of the dumpster. You will be amazed what has passed through a dumpster into my stomach. I have eaten veal, fish, steaks, lobsters, and the lists goes on. They throw the stuff out right at code date. We get it freeze it and then cook it.

It’s almost sad all these grocery stores throw stuff out instead of giving it to agencies to give it to the needy. By the way you should know it is no longer just the homeless in the dumpsters anymore. I have seen Beamers, Volvos, and even Hummers parked by dumpsters with people in there going through the food. People can’t afford to feed themselves anymore.

Now you still have to be careful when diving because grocery stores don’t like it and they sometimes contaminate the food especially meat with bleach or cleaners. There is always the issue with the cops. You could be banned from the store permanently if caught. I’m not saying I condone it but if you’re hungry you do what you got to do. Believe me I have had gourmet meals straight out of a dumpsters. It’s called survival. If you would like to learn more about dumpster diving click here.