I don’t know what my problem is. Well yes, maybe I do. I am frustrated.

When I started the EA Sports 30 Day Challenge, the intent was to do it with my sister. We would both motivate each other and track our progress. I sat her down and explained that I really needed her help. I asked that she really help to motivate me because I think that it one of the major issues that I am currently having.

This did not happen. I gave her the copy of the EA Sports 30 Day Challenge and to date (she received it on June 1st), she has not done it once. Not once. Her kids have used it. One time. But my sister, the one that I asked for help, the person that is already fit, the one person that I knew could really motivate me, just didn’t feel like it.

Maybe I am not being fair to her. She has three children too. But she is a flight attendant and works around 7 days per month. I asked for help. I needed the help to keep me on track. It wasn’t any fun doing it by myself and not having anyone to talk to about it.

She let me down.

I am so busy taking care of everyone else that I often forget about myself in the process. I know that as a mother, this is just what happens. Long ago, the manicures and pedicures went by the wayside. Soon followed the highlights. Then the haircuts. The clothes. The car. The weight kept going up.

Everything that defined who I was before I had children is gone. I need to take my old self back and find a way to become a person comfortable in her own skin again. I have to. I want to.

I have to feel like I am living again rather than waiting for my life to begin ‘once I lose the weight.’

I want to take pictures with children (and want to) so that when they look back at the memories of their childhood, all of the pictures have two parents.

I want to change my lifestyle and not be this lifelong dieter.

I want to stop making my husband miserable because I am so hung up on my weight.

I have to be able to go outside of the house and not feel that every single person is looking at me because I am fat.

I want to have self confidence again (believe it or not, I used to be a motivational speaker and I have spoken in front of more than 5,000 people, many times). I can barely speak to a few people right now.

I want to feel like a winner and not just that weight loss is something that I cannot conquer.

I want to do this for myself. I have to do this for myself.

I have to do this for my family. I want to do this for my family.

I think that I have found a way. I hope that I have. Today, I am finishing up a video to enter a contest. But it is not just any contest.

Mamavation “is a social media experiment and weight loss campaign created to change lives one mom at a time. Bookieboo Moms have organized as a team to impact one mom’s life and help her create an everlasting healthy lifestyle.”

One of the reasons that I think Mamavation can work is because many of these women have been where I am today. They have dealt with weight issues, self esteem issues and more. Who better to motivate me than women who have done this themselves?

As I put the finishing touches on the video, I am hoping that I will be the chosen one for the Mamavation experiment. But I have to get people to vote for my video and the most popular one wins. This is pretty hard for a fat chick to go through. A popularity contest. But I am optimistic.

Mamavation could be the turning point in my life. Please watch the video:

This Mama Needs a Mamavation

It still feels like last week. This Summer sure is flying by at an incredible pace. Today’s Wednesday Weigh-In is fairly uneventful. One more pound down although this only puts me at 251.5.

Next week is BlogHer. Wish me luck!

Today I found this cool thing on Prevention.com called My Virtual Model. My Virtual Model is pretty cool because it allows you to create a Before and After simulation of yourself. This is a great tool for visualizing what you will look like after your weight loss and can be pretty motivational.

My Virtual Model lets you:

Compare your current weight side-by-side with your goal weight.

Choose your body type and features, or upload a photo to make your model look exactly like you!

Save your model to track your progress.

Avoid dressing room anxiety! Find the best swimsuit styles for your body type.

Share your Weight Loss Simulator experience with a friend! Email your model or send to a cell phone.

I am thinking of printing out My Virtual Model and putting it in several places in my house. The fridge. The bathroom. The back of my bedroom door. Everywhere I go, I will be able to see the results if I continue to work hard.

What do you think?

Me Before:

Me After (aren’t I a hottie?):Just as a side note: I am cracking up that the graphic even lost weight. The before picture was a JPEG file of 9.7KB and the after picture was a JPEG file of 9.0KB. Not sure why I find that funny, I just do!

I am mad at myself. I feel like have lost all motivation and the holidays are killing me. But I know that I am slowly killing myself by not taking care of me.

My main problem right now is the fatigue. I am tired all of the time because I am fat. That pains me to say it but I am sure that it is true.

The few weeks that I kicked ass with my exercise, I felt phenomenal. Really great! I slept so much less and really was productive.

When is enough, enough? Have I hit rock bottom with my addiction to food and this unhealthy lifestyle? I think so. But I am not certain.

Perhaps I am just a glutton that keeps coming back for more.

Down 1.5 pounds this week. Holding steady. Not exactly the results I was looking for but I have been working too much lately and feeling pretty lazy by the time that I get home.

Sometimes ice cream calls my name. Really. It does. I swear. I wish like hell that it were carrot sticks calling my name. Maybe next week.

I am trying but not as hard as I should. Or could.

This is a wonderful article that every woman trying to lose weight should read. Women’s Health Magazine reports that there are five rules that will pump up your metabolism plus help you burn fat.

Some of the rules are obvious and ones that we all know about. Such as eat breakfast. However this article goes into the actual science of why we should eat breakfast giving a little more background and some great quick breakfast suggestions.

And exercise. We all know that we should exercise in combination with a healthy diet in order to effectively lose weight. But did you know that there is exercise and that there is intelligent exercise?

Combine the two steps above with a few others and you have the 5 Rules of Belly Off Club.

Quick read. Relevant information. Check it out here.

Man, I gained a pound this week. ONE POUND! It may not seem that big but it is. It is huge to me because the scale is going the wrong way. I am going the wrong way.

I am so upset about this. What the heck is going on. I still have not found my motivation and I have to confess that I have not been looking that hard.

I am not saying ‘tomorrow.’ I am saying right now. This second is my Monday. Today. This moment. This is when I take back my life and the control that food seems to have over it.

I am going out to dinner with my husband and I WILL MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES. I WILL!

I so need to do this for me. But I REALLY need to do it for my children. They deserve a mother who can keep up with them. They deserve a mother who is not afraid to sweat or spend hours outside with them. They deserve a mother who wants to be in pictures with them.

You know what? I deserve this too!

Why do I torture myself so? That bitch we’ll just call motivation has deserted me for the past week. I hate her. She hates me. We must make up soon!

Someone on The Motherhood found this on iVillage.

This rocks!!

Plus it just goes to show you that you can easily incorporate a little exercise into your life with only a little effort. How about that?

The Anyone-Can-Do-It Summer Body Workout

• Stand with your feet a little wider than hip-width apart, making sure that your feet are parallel. Place your palms together in a prayer position at your chest. Keeping your chest lifted, lower your sit bones all the way down until they are level with your knees. As you come back up, tense your bottom muscles.
• Repeat 10 times.

• Rest for 30 seconds.

• Repeat 10 more times.

• You can challenge yourself by performing a couple of sets while holding your weights on top of your shoulders.

One pound down.

One stinking pound.

I am so down about this and really trying hard to find the motivation to keep going forward.

If something has seen my motivation, please tell her that I am looking for her everywhere. Well, everywhere except McDonalds.