stevenchristopher

In 2001 I was indicted for a bank robbery I committed two and a half years earlier. According to the then-binding Federal Sentencing Guidelines, I was looking at a minimum of twelve and a half years in prison–at least that’s what my court-appointed attorney told me. I subsequently discovered through my own research that my lawyer was (thankfully) wrong, and I was actually looking at somewhere around eight years. At that point in my life, though, eight or twelve or even twenty years seemed equally impossible to survive. I had just completed a two-year sentence for a store robbery I committed the day before the bank. For two years I had fought my demons, made peace with my past and put it behind me. It shattered me to find out that not only was I not done with prison, but that I would have to do four times more time than I already had. I was devastated.

As in all times of abject desperation, I turned toward Spirit. Faith had gotten me through the previous two years; it would have to get me through the next several, too, because I didn’t even have the will to live at that point.

That’s when I really turned myself over to the care of God. Though I’d always believed in God, the extent of my spiritual life was informal prayer and a fascination with the New Age movement and all things paranormal. It took the A-bomb of an unexpected federal indictment to bring me to my knees and to open my heart to God.

So, it was at this time in my life that I started exploring meditation, yoga, and other formalized practices as means of actively inviting Light into my daily life. I had no idea that these spiritual practices were inextricably linked with Eastern thought and religion. My studies led me to Buddhist, Hindu, and mystic Christian texts. The deeper I went into these practices and studies, the more fundamental commonalities I discovered. Whether in the nontheistic context of Buddhism, the polytheistic world of Hinduism, or the trinity-as-one doctrine of Christianity, emphasis is placed time and time again on Love. Unconditional Love as the highest form of emotion, as the closest we can hope to come to come to godhead.

In most of our “love” relationships as humans, however, the love is anything but unconditional. There are aspects of possessiveness, jealousy, and familiarity in most love relationships. Rarely can the human heart love truly without conditions.

In realizing that what I know of as love is intrinsically limited by my human nature, I nonetheless seek to cultivate unconditional Love. I have grown tired of my wary, untrusting heart hidden within itself like a turtle in its shell. I choose to live with my heart wide open today, for it is in giving that we receive.