Ramblings of a Non-Native Texan

I’m getting married this weekend! My fiance and I are going to Las Vegas, exchanging vows in front of the backdrop of the Shark Reef aquarium at the Mandalay Bay, and then heading to the Caribbean for our honeymoon. It’s going to be a fun trip, with many of our family members coming to the ceremony and supporting us as we take this big step. I’ll admit, it’s slightly nerve wracking, but underneath the planning and details and to-do lists, it’s a great, warm feeling. We’ve been through a lot together and keep coming out stronger, better and happier than before. We’ve been together for four years and lived together for two, but “marriage” is still a milestone, even if we know it won’t change much about the day-to-day lives we lead.

Marriage doesn’t magically make everything perfect. There’s no such thing as happily ever after, not unless you work for it and help each other and accept the fact that there will still be days that you want to strangle each other out of frustration. Those days pass. By getting married, we get to make a commitment, a very solid one, that everyone in society, the government and the world at large will recognize and respect. There are so many rights afforded to people simply on the basis of marriage… From the minute we sign the marriage certificate, we have rights to each other’s property, we have the right to visit each other in the hospital, we have the right to make major decisions on each other’s behalf… the list goes on. All from saying “I do.” Many of those rights can also be gained through contracts and legal paperwork, but ALL of them are bestowed at once on the couple who gets married. We are fortunate that we can commit to each other AND get the government’s figurative blessing on our union.

Others are not so fortunate. Yesterday, the Maine law allowing same sex marriage was put to a popular vote, and the people of Maine opted to repeal the law. Same sex marriages are no longer legally performed in Maine. This is a huge step backwards for the state, and for the country as a whole.

I have never understood the uproar of conservatives and evangelicals against same sex marriage, and believe me, I’ve tried. The arguments I’ve heard include the following:

1. Same sex marriage would redefine the definition of marriage as it is in the U.S. Constitution. - REALITY: Not true… There’s no definition of marriage in the Constitution.

2. Same sex marriage would be taught in public schools. - REALITY: Since when?? Is traditional marriage taught in public schools? I don’t recall a marriage lesson when I was in school. There was no man+woman=marriage lesson in my class. This argument is a red-herring used to scare moderate people into voting against same sex marriage, because for reasons I can’t comprehend, rational people become irrationally afraid of their own kids “turning gay” if the concept is even mentioned in the context of the classroom (which, again, it most likely wouldn’t be, and even if it were, it would be akin to a fear that mentioning Africa would make kids want to be black).

3. Same sex marriage is against God’s will. - REALITY: Separation of church and state, people. You can’t legislate based on the Bible, or on any other religious doctrine. You may not like it, but that’s how our laws work. Thank God (if you believe in one).

4. If we allow same sex marriage, then the next step will be polygamy, then pedophilia, then incest, then people having sex with turtles. - REALITY: Slippery slope arguments don’t wash. The point here is two consenting adults wishing to enter into a commitment, much as they would enter into a contract. Children are not consenting adults. Family members would still not be able to hook up. Animals, again, are not consenting adults. The only gray area here is polygamy, but legit objections to that are more from a legal standpoint (how would medical decisions, divisions of property, etc. be handled among multiple spouses?). Two consenting adults wishing to get married should not be stymied by arguments that they’re just the first step on a path to total depravation.

5. Civil unions should be just fine for same-sex couples. REALITY: There’s a big difference between civil unions and marriage. Recall how “separate but equal” ended up not working out during the civil rights era? Same thing here. Civil unions grant some rights to couples within the state, but they do not grant the more than 1,000 federal protections and rights that marriage grants, and the rights they bestow may not travel with the couple outside of the state. It’s actually separate and unequal, when you think about it. So unless ALL couples (same-sex and opposite-sex alike) get civil unions instead of marriages, the reality is that it’s simply not fair to have two standards.

6. If same-sex marriage is allowed, then churches will be forced to perform marriages for couples that they don’t want to marry. - REALITY: Not true. Churches can refuse to perform marriage ceremonies for anyone they choose. This isn’t about religious acceptance; it’s about societal, legal and governmental acceptance. When I was married the first time, I got married in a Catholic church. My priest had already refused to marry some hetero couples because they dared to live together before marriage, and he didn’t condone that. He could have said “no marriages for people who wear purple hats,” and it would have been fine; it was HIS church. Churches perform ceremonies with pomp and circumstance, but it’s the underlying legal binding that matters here. In fact, according to the Catholic church, I’m still married to my first husband (I got a divorce and not an annulment), so they would not perform a Catholic ceremony for me now if I wanted one. Luckily, I don’t.

7. Same sex marriage would undermine the sanctity of marriage as it currently stands. - REALITY: What sanctity would that be? You mean how people can get married after knowing each other 30 seconds? Or how people like Larry King have more marriages on the books than Henry VIII? Or how up to half of marriages in this country end in divorce (and most of those divorces occur among people in their 20s)? Or how infidelity is rampant and spousal abuse abounds? Show me the sanctity, because frankly, our society is a sad commentary on marriage. There are obviously many good marriages out there, but it’s clearly not because of the gender of the people involved. It’s because of their character, compatibility and effort, and that transcends sex. Want to protect marriage? Outlaw divorce. Otherwise, drop this argument.

8. Same sex marriage is a threat to traditional marriage. - REALITY: Really? I’m a woman about to marry a man, and I predict that same sex marriages will have zero impact on my marriage. Other people’s relationships don’t have any bearing on my own, or on anyone else’s, either. Mind your own business, busybodies.

9. Gay people just want special treatment. - REALITY: No, they want the same treatment as straight people. Granting same-sex couples the right to get married isn’t giving them any rights that opposite-sex couples don’t already enjoy. It actually levels the playing field, finally.

10. Being gay is a choice, and we shouldn’t condone it. - REALITY: What are you smoking? First, even if it WAS a choice, who’s to say it’s right or wrong? People choose to do a lot of things that we might not agree with, but we can’t treat them like second-class citizens for it. But the reality is that it’s not a choice. You don’t wake up one day and choose to be gay, any more than you wake up and choose to be tall. Sure, you might experiment if you’re curious, and there might be environmental influences that impact sexual orientation, but in the end, your attractions and affections aren’t a choice. There are lots of documented cases of homosexual behavior in the animal community, so it’s not like it’s just us. And for anyone who still thinks it’s a choice, I ask you: When did you choose to be straight? Did you sit there in your seventh-grade English class and think, “You know, I think I’ll decide to be attracted to girls.” No, you just found yourself attracted to the people you found attractive, and that’s not something that takes conscious thought. In fact, society at large presses for everyone to fit the mold of the stereotypical hetero relationship, from pop culture to popular opinion, so anyone who bucks that trend must have really strong motivations to do it. More motivation than “Eh, I just feel like being gay now.” I remember when I was growing up and heard about gay kids being beaten up and harassed, and I thought, Why would anyone choose to be treated like that? They must not have a choice. Seemed logical to me, and I was a kid. Adults who can’t see this are deliberately blind.

11. Kids should be raised with a mother and a father. - REALITY: See the sanctity of marriage point, above. The marriage debate isn’t really about kids, but I’ll address it anyway. The reality today is that there are so many divorced parents, single parents, grandparents raising grandkids, etc. that society’s definition of the family has undergone drastic revisions. The traditional nuclear family isn’t the norm anymore. And studies have shown that the structure of a kid’s family matters less than the quality of the relationships within it. If a parent can provide a stable, loving home, sexual orientation has been shown not to matter. As this article notes, kids raised by same-sex couples turn out no better, no worse, and no more likely to be gay than those raised in hetero households. Good parenting is good parenting, regardless of the couple.

Are there any arguments I’ve missed? I can’t think of any, but you never know. Feel free to add your own in the comments below. The point overall, though, is that we cannot deny rights to consenting adults based on whether or not they have the same reproductive organs. Same-sex couples have many legal, societal and emotional reasons for wanting to marry, but the main reason for permitting same-sex marriage is this: It’s the right thing to do. Love is love, and why wouldn’t we want couples who are in love to make this sort of commitment? Wake up, Maine and the rest of the narrow-minded, scared-of-change people in this country. It’s time to take steps in the right direction and actually GRANT rights instead of limiting them. As conservative columnist David Brooks wrote in the New York Times in 2003, “We shouldn’t just allow gay marriage. We should insist on gay marriage. We should regard it as scandalous that two people could claim to love each other and not want to sanctify their love with marriage and fidelity.”

Yes, you read that right. Wal-Mart, the gigantor retail outlet that drives smaller specialty shops out of business and offers low prices on its many cheap goods, is now in the afterlife business.

Just one of the many caskets available for purchase at walmart.com

Right now, on Wal-Mart’s website, you can buy caskets. Just in time for Halloween! No, it’s no morbid holiday hoax. With a few clicks, your casket can be on its way to your home via FedEx overnight. Because let’s face it, you rarely know 6 to 10 working days in advance when you’ll need a coffin handy.

I’m making light of this because it’s so very weird and a little scary. Sure, the funeral industry seems like a gouge sometimes, with funeral homes charging thousands of dollars for caskets and visitations and cemeteries charging ungodly amounts of money for a 7′-by-4′ plot of land, but Wal-Mart? Seriously? There’s something so very wrong about buying a casket from the same mega-retail chain that stocks peanut butter, backpacks and high-def TVs. But I guess your online shopping experience with Wal-Mart can now include REALLY long-term planning… “Hey, honey, I’m going to order that new DVD player we wanted, and while I’m at it, do you want a casket in slate blue or orchid? We might as well stock up!”

What’s especially ludicrous is that Wal-Mart isn’t just selling a few caskets. The online store offers more than two dozen models, ranging from under a thousand bucks to more than $3,000. Wow, check out those falling prices! Hope dignity doesn’t fall along with them.

I, for one, will never buy a Wal-Mart casket, because I don’t intend to be buried in any sort of casket. I want to be cremated and avoid wasting that valuable cemetery real estate. So no Wal-Mart afterlife for me! Oh, wait… They carry urns, too.

It’s almost Halloween! One of the most fun festivals of the year. The costumes and candy are great, but pumpkin carving is probably my favorite part of Halloween! So in honor of the coming holiday, here are some of the fun/cool/sick/wicked carved pumpkins I’ve found online over the years that make me wish I had more artistic ability…

I made one last year that looked like this last photo, with a big pumpkin chewing on a smaller one. I couldn’t make it look as good as the one in the pic, but it still got more notice than traditional jack-o-lanterns!

Happy Halloween, everyone! Be creative with your pumpkins, and don’t let the gooey pumpkin guts get under your nails.

Happy hockey season! I love this time of year. I don’t care for the cold weather and longer nights, but I love the holidays, the pumpkin-based recipes, the football, and the HOCKEY. I grew up a fan of the St. Louis Blues, but since living in Texas, I’ve become a die-hard supporter of my Dallas Stars. Simply put, they rock.

Mike Modano carries the Stanley Cup for the Stars

Hockey is one of the greatest sports to watch. It’s fast-paced, it’s rough, and the players (for the most part) aren’t overpaid prima donnas who make headlines for their attitude problems or steroid use. Hockey players are regular guys, probably the most underappreciated in sports, aside from soccer players. Really, hockey is the frozen, fun evolution of soccer. Take soccer; make the ball VERY small, flat and hard; put pads and skates on your players; give ‘em big sticks; and move the whole shebang to the ice. Voila, hockey!

One of the things I like best about hockey is that players don’t get called for penalties just for bumping into each other. In basketball and, increasingly, football, the slightest things are called as fouls, which drags down the games into a mire of officiating. Hockey is unrepentantly boisterous, though. Players routinely drop their sticks and gloves and start wailing on each other, and the officials let it happen. Fighting is all part of the rough-and-tumble game. It’s only when one or both of the guys fall to the ice that the refs get in there to break it up. Then play resumes, with high-speed skating and high-skill puck handling driving the 60-minute clock to a feverish finish. What’s not to love?

Hockey doesn’t get the TV audience of the bigger sports, but boy, are the fans devoted. I love attending hockey games in person, despite the fact that it feels about 30 below when you’re sitting down close to the artificially-generated ice. The fans scream, cheer and, in Dallas, butcher the National Anthem (at the two points in the song where the word “stars” is heard, fans yell “STARS!” at the top of their lungs to support the local Stars team). When you’re at a hockey game, you’re among thousands of your best friends, even if you’ve just met. And when it’s over, you’re shocked that it went by so fast.

What the fans know (and most non-fans don’t think about) is that there’s a lot of finesse to the game of hockey. It’s rough on the surface, but those guys are on ice skates, people. They’re maneuvering a small puck with long sticks at high speeds. It’s not easy, and when a player executes a particularly great move, it’s fodder for the SportsCenter highlight reel (or the YouTube audience). That goes for pros and amateurs alike… Just the other day, the Internet swooned at the ability of 9-year-old Oliver Wahlstrom of Portland, Maine, an up-and-coming hockey player. Watch this kid’s shot:

That is AMAZING, especially at his age. Pro players have made some amazing shots in the past, but this kid’s got some outstanding skill. He’ll probably be hefting the Stanley Cup for his team in a few years.

So Happy Hockey Season, everyone! May your days be merry and bright, and may all your hockey games have fights.

This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. If you watched music videos in the 80s, you’ll recognize this A-Ha video, but the lyrics have been re-recorded to simply describe what’s going on in the video. The people at Funny or Die are genius!

Today is National Underwear Day. You probably didn’t know that! I didn’t know, either, until I saw some news reports about it. Now I feel like I should string boxers from the ceiling or put up a tree hung with bras or something.

Freshpair.com has been putting on this event for years, usually keeping it local to NYC with underwear freebies and a fashion show of hot models in their underwear. But every year, it gets a little bigger, and this year, it’s getting widespread attention beyond NYC, especially online.

This blog has a video from 2007’s National Underwear Day that’s pretty funny; check out the perky girl asking complete strangers what they wear under their clothes.

My fiance likes to tease me about how I usually call them “underpants,” not underwear. Last night, I made the mistake of calling my sleeping clothes “jammies,” and he insisted that, with terms like underpants and jammies, I talk like a four-year-old. I never thought about it before, but maybe he’s right. I’m glad he wasn’t around when I accidentally tipped my drink over and said “oops, I spilled my sodie.” He would have despaired of me then. At least I don’t say these things in a baby-talk voice… that would be weird.

But I digress.

So Happy Underwear Day, everyone! It’s a good chance to talk about lingerie or ask “boxers or briefs?” without sounding really creepy.

You know those days when you have trouble focusing or just can’t make your brain turn completely on? I have those sometimes. We all do. But since I don’t drink coffee and I hate energy drinks, here’s what I use to get through my sluggish days (let’s hear it for the sugar rush!)…

Napster, the music service. I have the player in the background while I’m working, just in case I need to get up and groove for a bit to get the circulation going!

That last one is Bosco the chocolate lab mix playing with Blue the pit bull. They keep me company throughout the day. They spend 90% of the day sleeping, 5% of the day outside, 3% of the day playing and 2% of the day finding new and creative things to lick.

If the combination of these things isn’t enough to motivate me throughout the day, then I’m probably in a coma.

It’s been a busy few weeks since I last blogged! Hard to believe, really. So here’s all the news that’s fit to blog (mine and other people’s)…

1. I got engaged! My boyfriend of 3.5+ years popped the question last week. Since we’ve both been married before and don’t want a big giant event, we’re going to pseudo-elope to Vegas in November and get married at the Shark Reef at the Mandalay Bay hotel. I say “pseudo-elope” because we’re making the plans a couple of months ahead and inviting our immediate families. The place won’t let us bring more than 10 guests, so it’ll stay small and intimate. And then we’ll party and head to St. Thomas for the honeymoon! There’s quite a bit of planning to deal with, and nothing is cheap (of course), but the upside is that it’ll be a lot of fun and hopefully nicely elegant. Vegas can really put on some pretty weddings these days… they’re not just cheesy chapel events with Elvis as the officiant anymore! Although that would be kinda cool, too.

2. Our A/C broke down yesterday… Not a good thing in the Texas heat. But the temps have actually been milder lately than usual, and the A/C guy was able to come out today and fix the problem. Woo-hoo! We spent last night in a hotel so we wouldn’t burn up, but now that it’s fixed, we can be comfortable at home again. That’s a nice relief.

3. The Space Shuttle Endeavour landed safely today after 16 days in space. I’m a big fan of the space program… I enjoyed the local launch coverage when I lived in Florida, and I try to keep up with it now that I’m in Texas. Of course, since two of the shuttles have been lost in explosions, interest in the launches and landings is slightly elevated and probably more macabre than it used to be… When the Columbia burned up in the atomosphere a few years ago, pieces of it were found strewn across Texas, some of them close to here. It’s a scary thought, so when another crew makes it home safely, I do a little happy dance. Space really is the final frontier, and I can’t wait to see where we manage to go in my lifetime.

4. The Dallas Cowboys are at training camp. Yessss! Football and Hockey are my two favorite sports to watch, and I’m always excited when football season starts gearing up for another year. It’s another chance to see how far my teams can go (the Rams because they’re my hometown team, and the Cowboys because I live here and have no interest in pissing off everyone around me). It’s a fresh slate! A new season, this time without T.O.! As much as baseball is America’s pastime, it’s a slow, boring game, and the summer really seems to drag until football starts. Go Cowboys (and Rams)!

I think that’s it for now. Join me next time; I’m hoping that I don’t wait so long to blog again!

The Mars company has unveiled a new chocolate: Fling.

The LA Times Blog describes the candy as a truffle filling on top of a crisp meringue layer, with the whole thing covered in chocolate that shimmers (thanks to an edible mineral). The bars are 80 calories each and come in a bright pink wrapper… Gee, I wonder who the target market is??

Sure enough, Mars admits that they were targeting women who wanted to be “indulgent yet also permissive” when eating chocolate. For some reason, that line cracks me up. If you’re indulging yourself with chocolate, doesn’t that mean you’re also permitting yourself to eat it? Or are there women out there who unwrap chocolate bars and then just sit and smell them, indulging the urge to be near chocolate but not permitting themselves to actually consume it?

I think what Mars is getting at is that they wanted to make something that’s chocolatey and decadent but that doesn’t come across as “diet chocolate.” Those 100-calorie packs and tiny chocolate sticks out there that pack just a few calories apiece are nice, and they might be good for quieting the occasional chocolate craving, but the women who eat those healthier-than-the-real-thing treats would almost always rather have a full-sized, full-fat, full-delicious candy bar. In fact, evidence suggests that 100-calorie packs, which were designed on the premise that we humans are incapable of our own portion control (and which are priced more per unit accordingly), are not particularly good for us because they still contain over-processed sugary and salty snacks, just in smaller doses (which aren’t enough to fill up most people). Some say that 100-calorie packs are basically a license to overeat, because people eat more when they think what they’re eating is healthy (check out this article at MSN Health and Fitness for more info). The emphasis should instead be on feeling fuller longer and really dealing with cravings in a healthy manner, rather than imposing portion control through packaging.

But I digress.

Fling sounds delicious, and even though it’s only offered in California so far, I’m looking forward to its wider distribution. In fact, the Shopping Blog has a link to Fling’s website so that the bars can be ordered if you don’t want to wait for your local store to stock them. This is the first new brand from Mars in 20 years, and so far, the reception has been good. Maybe women were really craving a new option for their chocolate obsessions… Maybe it’s just a better chocolate bar than what’s already out there. As an unrepentant chocoholic, I’m eager to give it a try. Or as the name suggests, have a “fling” with something new, different and indulgent.

Today, I had a 20-minute drive through the rural Texas countryside to take my kids to their soccer camp and back. A handful of things struck me as interesting enough to share when I got back, so here they are…

First, I was behind a woman driving a pickup truck. In Texas, this is common. It wasn’t a work truck; it was a clean, shiny, my-toy-is-bigger-than-your-toy truck, bought (as so many are) because it looked good, not because the owners had any intention of hauling anything larger than a handbag with it. The truck itself wasn’t notable; what stuck out was the giant lettering drawn on the back window. In glaring white shoe polish, it read: “You Broke the FAMILY!” Now, when you see shoe polish writing on cars, it tends to be of the more positive variety, like “Just Married” or “Go Seniors!” The condemnation of this mobile message made me wonder two things: one, did the woman ACTUALLY break her family, and two, why didn’t she wash those words off as quickly as possible?? After a bit, she changed lanes and headed down I-20, taking her scarlet letter with her.

Second, I passed a horse trailer. Again, lots of those here. And this one had a horse hanging his pretty brown head out the window. He couldn’t get his whole head out, just the bottom half of it, but he pushed that much out anyway. As I went by, he glanced at me, and then turned his attention to the wind blowing past at 70 mph. He looked like a dog sticking his head out the window. The breeze caught his floppy horsey lips, and they started to wiggle madly. I couldn’t help laughing at the sight of this beautiful horse letting his lips flap in the wind.

Third, I took the kids through the McDonalds drive-thru after I picked them up. There was quite a line (lots of trucks, of course), but eventually, we made it to the pay window. I reached out to hand my money to the lady waiting there, but then she startled me with a loud “Whew!” and I took a better look at her. She was a middle-aged, pudgy woman with a few teeth missing, but she had more than the average allotment of enthusiasm. “I swear!” she exclaimed as she took the money I tentatively extended. “We shouldn’t let men go through the drive thru! They can’t handle it, can they!” Then she laughed and muttered something else while she handed me my change. I laughed nervously, took my coins, and pulled forward to the food window as quickly as possible. Fifteen seconds of interaction that will definitely stick with me for a while.

For a short drive, there was a lot to see. This is some colorful territory, especially if you know where to look!