resume tips…
Here I am again sorting through a myriad of emailed resumes for another part-time position, and here I am again, confounded by the things people will actually write, or not write, on their emails, cover notes & resumes.
I now share with you some of my favorites…
“I have the ability to adapt to changes” … so you’re a transformer? Good to know if we’re ever invaded by the galactic 5.
” My customer service is second to none. This came about as a result of writing large sales numbers and to be frank, I had to do it myself most of the time to keep the customer.” Well, I’m glad you finally learned to write those really hard large numbers. And doing your work all by yourself? Well now I should just give you a promotion the first day you start. It would be shared of course with all of those other people who seemingly help you with your work.
“Objective: To once again obtain an IT career job or a Customer Service position.” And how many of those ‘career jobs’ have you actually had now? And you know, if you’re hired, we’d give you like $10 an hour, or 5 tootsie roll pops, you know, whichever.
“I’m very interested in this position, but didn’t want to send my resume without asking you what the hours are, how much it will pay, what my responsibilities would be and how often I would be compensated.” Hmmm… so you’re applying for the position eh? Let me answer your questions – the hours are short – minimal to the point of being non-existent, the pay is also minimal, the responsibilities are nill and the compensation is scarce – for you that is, since well, you’d never get the job.
And my favorite…
“Awards: 2nd place in “Maintenance Man” Pageant.” Well now. I can see where that’s very relevant to our current needs. You know we are looking for good looking people who can put my desk back together after it falls apart from me falling on it in a laughing fit after reading your resume.
Please people – use spell check – it’s provided for free! Use the online resume templates in Word – they’re better than what you’re sending – really. Follow directions – if it asks for a cover note, resume & salary history, send it all – otherwise I simply delete you.
My life as it stands today?
Well, I’ll let you know after I get through reading about the ‘bring your pet to work’ clause someone wants us to possibly incorporate after she gets hired.
